Care Giving

I have a friend who is a cancer survivor; 2 very aggressive types.  She recently told me  how special caregivers are... and while, I don't at all diminish the role we play.... right now, (today.  Tomorrow may be different...) I don't feel particularly special.

Today... I look at my husband, and I am grateful, oh so grateful, to have him with me.  He stresses over how "much" I have to do for him....and for us (extra housework, wound care, prepare special meals....)  Today, I don't feel like I am doing "EVERYTHING".  He does what he can to help, which is actually a lot... He prepares the coffee at night for the next day when I get up at 5am to prepare for running... he empties the dishwasher... he tidies... he picks up... he does what he can...

But mostly, what he does, is reach into the depths of his soul to make a connection with me, to let me know he is still that man, who loves me, cherishes me, and wants me by his side.  And at night, when we are snuggled in, each reading, and there is just the quiet glow of the light from our bed, enough light to read by... I know to the depths of my soul (and I tell him every morning, and every night), I asked to be shown the blessing and the grace in each moment of this journey.  And what I know is, EVEN WHEN it's hard... I wouldn't be anywhere else, and I am grateful to be the one to take his hand and walk through this valley of the shadow with him.

That doesn't mean that there won't be days... or longer... that I walk through my OWN valley of the shadow, when I will feel weak and scared and lost... but I don't feel like my piece in this is MORE diffiult than his!  It's different.  When we married, we were 50-somethings, and certainly knew a whole lot more of what better and worse could entail, as well as sickness and in health.... it's part of the package!

I know, from watching my sister, that there are times that make you soul weary when you are a caregiver.... but she never EVER gave up.  And while she hated the disease, she certainly loved the man, and she went through harder times than I can imagine.... I hope through it all, I can always keep finding the blessing and the grace.  I suspect as long as I am willing to seek it out, I will.